Australia Day, the official national day of (you guessed it) Australia, is today. Since 1994, all Australians have been granted a public holiday during which citizens are expected to reflect on what it means to live in our sunburnt country, as well as to sink a thousand tinnies and get maggot in the backyard (translation for international readers: drink many cans of beer and become very inebriated outside).
Our brilliant day of national unity will always be needed.
Though having this national celebration on the anniversary of the day that British colonisers plonked the Union Jack on these shores and ushered in several hundred years of pain on Indigenous peoples, has unsurprisingly come under increasing scrutiny. Calls for the date to be changed, or the holiday abolished entirely are growing, particularly amongst younger folk.
So it is into this situation that MR. KOYA wades, completely un-asked and with no formal qualifications, to produce this uniting vision for all citizens.
Simply put, it’s time to change the date to February 19th – an auspicious day when in 1995, The Simpsons episode, “Bart vs Australia” was first aired. Controversial at the time, the episode’s sweeping generalisations and breathtakingly poor accents were derided, yet the things it gets right (e.g. chazwozzers, dollarydoos) have themselves offered much to Australian culture.
So let us celebrate Australia (as well as its hopeful future) and gather around the Wolumbaloo Dirt Monument on February 19th. A day when disparaging the boot becomes a bootable offence, and Knifey Spooney is joyously played across the country.