Stay till the end for the best Tinder profiles in the bizzness.
For those of you married or in happy relationships, read on and view from afar the technological wasteland of online dating.
But if you are a warrior of the battlegrounds: tinder, bumble, Grindr, happn, eHarmony, Ashley Madison, gimpLove, Elite Singles, Less Elite Singles, and gimpLove 2.0, then watch and learn.
Maybe you’ve broken up from the love of your life, perhaps you’re just looking for some excitement, or you might be an asshole hunting for some extra gravy. Either way you’re too lazy to head to the local discotheque, which leaves you with your trusty smart phone.
HOWEVER, applying a marketing funnel structure might help you manage the insanity that comes with courting inanimate digital profiles.
Women for example, have a lot more control of the funnel than ever before and won’t let you travel all the way through without the right cocktail of banter, charm and good times.
Think about it like so:
1. Awareness - Presenting You
Australia is the 6th highest user of tinder, so there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
But you still need to build a profile that speaks to your confidence & charm.
The top three ways to get attention on Tinder are humour (11%), a clever opening (17%) and looks (72%).
Profile Image Rules: Stand proud, be well-groomed, look fresh, stay suave, and dress stylishly confident. No topless selfies, skip hats and sunglasses. And if you’ve got a cartoon avatar as your picture, then you can go straight to hell.
Bio Rules: Don’t list your job, political leanings, or blood type – keep it short, sweet and cheeky.
2. Consideration - Converse
Men are more likely give the green light. No surprise really – 46% of the time men say yes on a woman’s profile, while for women looking at men, it's only 14%. The odds are not in your favour my friend.
Pro Tinder Tip: use the Super Like button to display your affection for this stranger. Trust us, it helps in getting to the consideration stage.
Once you’re here it’s time to create some sweet banter. If you find yourself getting bored with the conversation, then it’s likely that you’re boring her too.
Slow down with the compliments (if she’s pretty, she’s heard em all), but make sure the ones you do deliver are thoughtful, memorable and devastating.
Be your fucking self and don’t wait too long to ask for her number.
3. Conversion - Plan
If like most mentally stable individuals, you’ve managed to resist sending a photo of your anatomy, then you should be able to lock in a date.
No need to be a Needy Ned - Keep it laid back when organising a time, but also take charge and have a plan.
If it looks like it’s going to rain, be a gentleman and come prepared mofo'.
4. Loyalty - The Meet
OMG Real HumAn interacTION!
Have your anecdotes ready for the charm offensive. Be cheeky, intelligent, gently audacious, and a very, very good listener. You should be subtly, sexually driven but not salivating for it. So don't ogle, because you'll look desperate.
Style Loves Flavour: ditch loose and baggy, she ain’t your homie’. Tailored works well, along with garments that display confidence, worldliness, and aesthetic personality. You are a gift, so enhance and sexify the wrapping.
Cat Fish Warning (Definition courtesy of Urban Dictionary):To give the impression of being an attractive person in order to attract someone online while being a complete or near opposite of that portrayed. Lying is not a good personality trait.
“I met this girl online that looked like Miranda Kerr, but it turns out I was being catfished because we met and she looked more like Eddie McGuire.”
5. Advocacy - Bliss
You’ve done it. The Holy Grail. She’s a keeper.
You’re vibing digitally, physically and intellectually.
Prepare yourself for threats from ex-boyfriends, ‘harmless’ friends, dinners with in-laws, and discussions around assets and taxes.
But that’ll go along side marathon Netflix sessions, moonlight memories, “no you hang up” phone calls, terrible jokes, and the high production ‘We just got engaged’ social media shots.
Job done. Happily ever after.
Have fun friend.