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State of the Earth

State of the Earth

A newz source for cosmonauts, subterranean mole people, and everyone in between. Each indeterminate amount of time the State of the Earth Address will present perspectives on the issues of the day, news from around the globe, and tips on how to be less of a goose (just in case anyone needs those).

A newz source for cosmonauts, subterranean mole people, and everyone in between. Each indeterminate amount of time the State of the Earth Address will present perspectives on the issues of the day, news from around the globe, and tips on how to be less of a goose (just in case anyone needs those).

The State Of The Earth

Corporate Ooze

Corporate Ooze

– a city-wide festival featuring over 200 events including the upcoming Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras.  WorldPride promotes and advocates for LGBTQIA+ human rights around the world, but it’s also a time when corporate entities tend to ooze out of the mire and cynically portray themselves as human rights champions, without having offered any previous useful actions that would further the cause. 
  • 1 min read
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Knifey Spooney Day

Knifey Spooney Day

Australia Day, the official national day of (you guessed it) Australia, is today. Since 1994, all Australians have been granted a public holiday during which citizens are expected to reflect on what it means to live in our sunburnt country, as well as to sink a thousand tinnies and get maggot in the backyard (translation for international readers: drink many cans of beer and become very inebriated outside).
  • 1 min read
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Extendo Sleeve 9000

Extendo Sleeve 9000

Arms, what are they good for really? Stringy appendages that floop from your sides like tired salamanders. Arms regularly appear in lists of Top 10 Most Overrated Limbs, and that’s why at MR. KOYA we’ve decided to cover those bad boys up.

Introducing the game-changing Extendo Sleeve 9000. 

  • 2 min read
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MR. KOYA's Guide To Voting in Australia

MR. KOYA's Guide To Voting in Australia

Every 3 years, the Australian population gets together to choose their leaders from an assortment of megalomaniacal psychos, self-proclaimed mavericks, End-Times nutjobs, and the occasional well-meaning dork with elbow pads on their corduroy jacket.
  • 1 min read
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Sweet Magnolias or Russian Daisies?

Sweet Magnolias or Russian Daisies?

We looked on in horror last week as a dangerous, paranoid maniac unleashed violence upon their neighbours in an attempt to make their pathetic delusions of global power a reality. And that was only the first episode of Sweet Magnolias.
  • 2 min read
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We're Gonna Need a Bigger Rocket

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Rocket

Protesters continue to hit the streets of the world, drawing attention to their rigorously researched views that COVID is a lie, masks are dumb, and Warren Buffett cooks babies into party pies and hands them out at scout jamborees.
  • 3 min read
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The Benefits of Surviving a Supervolcano: Etna Rosso

The Benefits of Surviving a Supervolcano: Etna Rosso

We like to ponder tranquil thoughts, like the threat of supervolcano eruption and the subsequent devastation of mankind.

The Yellowstone supervolcano in particular has a tendency to erupt every 700,000 years. The most recent eruption was around 664,000 years ago, and sources say this has been adding to the pressure on Universal Pictures executives to release its delayed James Bond movie.

  • 4 min read
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Thank you 2020

Thank you 2020

As 2020 comes to a close, MR. KOYA is taking some time to reflect. We all can agree this year was a trip, but as Henri Matisse once said, ‘there are always flowers for those who want to see them.” Let’s acknowledge some of 2020’s effing flowers.
  • 1 min read
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Vine Diving and Contact Tracing

Vine Diving and Contact Tracing

You wake up bleary eyed, with an ache like a thousand tequilas, but this ache was borne of no mere bender. A weariness took hold about 4 years ago, and has lingered ever since. You check your phone for news – there’s nothing there except discussions on policy and the bureaucratic machinations of some normal-haired local councilperson. 
  • 4 min read
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Top 5 Hobbies to Pursue in 2021: Kazakh Eagle Wrangling

Top 5 Hobbies to Pursue in 2021: Kazakh Eagle Wrangling

With each passing newsletter, the world seems to get just a little more in need of an explanation--and a lot farther from ever finding one. Donald T is doing some last minute American superspreading and our own New South Wales, State Premier Premier - Gladys B. found love and paid for it. 
On the optimistic assumption that any newsletter that includes the word “sex” won’t be completely obliterated by junk mail filters, we turn our attention this week to... sex.
  • 4 min read
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Who Needs Economic Fundamentals When You Have Lode Runner?

Who Needs Economic Fundamentals When You Have Lode Runner?

Having recently changed countless lives with a (self-described) masterful essay on the psychological benefits of mindfulness, MR. KOYA turns his all-seeing eye to economics this week.
  • 3 min read
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War, What is it Good For?

War, What is it Good For?

Amidst soaring worldwide suspicion of unsanitised handles, buttons, and surfaces in general, geopolitical tensions continue to percolate. Decades of tense standoffs between China and the United States have refused to become any less tense or standoffy during the COVID-19 crisis, which is surprising given it’s much more difficult to posture and antagonise rivals over Zoom. 
  • 3 min read
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